


The World He Saw.

by Leathepyromaniac



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Death, Dreams, Hearing Voices, Manga Spoilers, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-21
Updated: 2018-05-21
Packaged: 2019-05-09 18:39:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14721482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leathepyromaniac/pseuds/Leathepyromaniac
Summary: Armin is under pressure from Hange. Unable to transform and desperate to prove he was the right person to give the serum too, even though he thinks he isn't. An unexpected voice tries to help.But sometimes, memories are just too painful.Bertholdt still being alive in Armin's conscience and teaching him how to use the Colossal Titan.





	The World He Saw.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is another Fic request I got on my headcanon blog on Tumblr (cookietonwrites) so here it is! I hope you enjoy!

He had no control. All he could do was just observe.

Bertholdt could feel Armin’s feelings and reactions to what he was told and the world around him. It wasn't as if he was in pain, it was actually as if he was feeling calm. As nothing could cause him any more pain or emotional damage.

But he knew that part was just a facade.

If anything, he could feel the emotional terror that Armin felt on learning he had eaten him. Eaten alive without any mercy, crying out for his friends to save him.

Nobody came to save him, and Bertholdt still could feel Armin's Titan's jaw crushing his skull.

* * *

 

The pressure was relentless. With Hange's guidance and Eren's encouragement, it was still too much for Armin to take in. It meant constantly injuring himself till he at least got a partial transformation (which didn't happen most of the time) and him not being good enough in so many of his peer's eyes.

It felt as if the whole world was trying to turn itself against him with this new found power.

Armin felt the presence in his mind shift.

It wasn't an uncommon occurrence, it had been happening ever since Armin had acquired this power.

"Armin! We're going on ahead! Just let us know when you're finished, okay?" Hange's voice rang out in the distance. Of course, he couldn't follow them. With the cuts and marks on his skin, even if he did an accidental partial transformation, people still could get hurt badly. That terrified Armin enough as it is!

He genuinely had no idea why he couldn't get the hang of it like Eren did. Eren accepted it like it was nothing after being sent to a jail for a few days and even actively used his power! Even if he did have a huge amount of hate for titans.

Armin didn't think he could possibly hate titans anymore, knowing what they were and why they were no longer human. It made him sick to the stomach. He just wished the slaughter would stop.

No matter how much he hoped, this nightmare wouldn't disappear, and with only thirteen years left to live... what the hell did he do if he couldn't transform? Cave himself up and avoid human contact for the rest of his life? He just felt so tired, whether that was the Colossal Titan's fault, he didn't know.

"You're not going to be any good to anyone with the way you're handling it at this rate."

He jumped. If it was anyone else's voice, he would have laughed it off. But it was his voice. One he didn't think he'd ever heard again.

"I know, you don't need to tell me that, Bertholdt."

It's not as if he had facial expressions anymore, but Bertholdt wished Armin could see his expression. No malice or hate would have been in his expression, more of one that would want to be comforting. It wasn't as if he hated Armin for what he did. He was a mindless Titan at the time of course, not really having much of a choice of what he did. It wasn't any different from when Bertholdt ate his predecessor.

...Except for the part where his predecessor didn't talk to him in his head...

"I could teach you, y'know," Bertholdt said, letting himself be calmer as he talked. There was no response from Armin, as if he was thinking things over, trying to find some logical loophole in the sentence he had said.

"Why? To get revenge and kill me? To take me over?" Bertholdt couldn't help but laugh and sigh at Armin's not so logical response.

"Why do you assume that?"

"Because last time we talked, you tried to kill me."

"And you ended up eating me... But you're really not going to get anywhere... Let me teach you to be more efficient, trust me, the steam attack is useful in more than one situation."

Armin didn't really know what to say to that. Why would Bertholdt side with him so quickly? It wasn't as if they were comrades anymore...

"Do you really think I'm happy with how the Marleyans treat our people?"

No, of course not. Why would anyone be happy with being treated like that, even if they did think they deserved it? The Eldian people were oppressed and discriminated to no end. How would anyone be happy with that?

"No. I wouldn't think so. But why would you fight for them? You-" Armin was cut off.

"Do you think any of us had a choice?" Bertholdt started. "We didn't. We were given to the government by our parents at what? Age five, six? Just to become human weapons, oh! And to have our lives shortened! But it's not as if our government cares about us since we're descendants of the devil."

Armin wanted to apologise, to say something. But no words came out. He knew, he felt, that Bertholdt was telling the truth. He was angry with Marley. Maybe at one point, Bertholdt cared about what happened to the enemy across the sea, but now, he just held anger towards them.

"All right..."

"What?"

"Teach me."

"Glad to know we're agreeing on something." Bertholdt wished he could laugh, but that was kind of difficult when you're talking to the person who ate you.

"First of all, you're not picturing your goal clear enough." He started, feeling nostalgic for a moment. His predecessor had told him tips on how to transform before he passed.

"Hm?"

"Your goal. You're just doing it on command. You're not picturing yourself doing it."

"Did you picture yourself breaking a wall and killing innocent people?"

Did he just...?

Who on earth pictures killing people? He already told him he had no choice. So why was he-? Ah, he was angry with him. Maybe for breaking the wall that day, maybe for scorching him to death. Maybe it was an entirely different reason.

He could feel the regret pouring out of Armin.

"...I'm sorry... I know you didn't have any choice that day..."

He knows that too. But was that the truth? Could they have not broken the wall that day?

A few weeks later and Armin was almost capable of doing a full transformation.

"You've been improving a lot over the past few weeks! Been secretly practising behind my back?"Hange exclaimed with excitement. Armin slightly feared for his life. If Hange did find out, she'd probably dissect his brain!

"N-No! Of course not! Not without you Hange!" Armin chuckled. As much as he did like the crazy scientist, she did not like to be left out on anything. Anything. Armin swore he probably didn't get a break from her and her questions for five minutes... unless he was sleeping, but he was certain she watched him in his sleep.

"Why don't you tell them about me?" Bertholdt asked one day, while they were alone (and not being stalked by Hange).

"Because they would fear the possibility of you taking over and causing havoc, and if you don't mind, I'd rather not be in a cell."

Neither would Bertholdt.

* * *

 

The first memories started pouring through soon after that. A Colossal Titan peering through the smoke down on the townspeople. People stared in shock.

Armin knew he was amongst those people, with Eren and Mikasa by his side.

The looming Wall was broken like it was nothing. Like it was a glass ball being kicked and shattered into pieces that went flying on impact. He could hear screaming, even after his body left the titan. So much panic, so much noise, so much death. Bones cracking and screaming ceasing at the hands of monsters. Monsters like him.

Being carried through the town by another familiar Titan, clutching onto his accomplice as if her life depended on it. Passed out and recovering from a long-term transformation.

As much as he didn't want to look, he could see bodies crushed under debris, family members dead beside them because they didn't run away from the Titans.

'Why didn't you run?' He couldn't help but think. They could have lived if they had just run. But these weren't people... right? These were the devils, threatening to destroy the world.

Destruction was all around him. Even as he was let off his comrade's Titan and ran through the streets to get to the gate before titans. He was standing with Annie on his back, as Reiner broke through the main gate. Devils were killed by that debris as well.

Nobody saw Reiner leave his titan. They were too busy running from the Titans. By the time Reiner had caught up to them, the three of them were all dragged onto a boat and forced to flee with the refugees. The refugees didn't even know they were sitting next to the people who caused all this.

There was fighting. There was famine. There was starvation. Nothing was as they were told.

The so-called devils were people who simply wanted to live peaceful lives. It wasn't devils they had killed. It was innocent people.

In this world, they were the monsters. This cruel world.

That is the world he saw.

Armin jutted awake. Covering his eyes with his arm to hide his tears from his sleeping roommates.

"Are you okay?" Bertholdt's voice said.

"Yeah..." Armin whispered.


End file.
